I’m going to talk about sex magic for a while. Not sex-magic, like, doing magic while having sex (always seemed like making work out of fun, to me), but magic done in order to bring about circumstances in which one can have sex. In other words, the chaos magic holy grail of “getting laid” magic (I say that with affection, as a former chaos mage who made quite a bit of use of that particular kind of magic). But I don’t want to talk about how do to do that. I want to talk about will, and Will, because sex magic is a really good example of that.
A friend of mine put it very well the other day: “I sometimes do magic to get laid, but it doesn’t always work, I think because what I want when I’m horny isn’t the same as what I want when I’m not.”
This post gets less sexy from here on out. Sorry.
So, think about that: what I want when I’m horny isn’t what I want when I’m not. Or to put it in magical terms, what I will when I am horny is what I don’t will when I’m not. Who is the I that wills? Is it the horny-I, or the not-horny-I? And what is the will, that it can change so rapidly? We could think of it like wanting food: have you ever shopped for groceries when hungry? You pick up everything in the store. Ever seen an ad for food right after eating a big meal? It’s less than appealing. What’s the me that wants? Is it the me that wants to get laid, oh yes please, and throw in a cheeseburger? Or is it the me who wants to cuddle, perhaps, after a nice conversation, and maybe just a cup of tea for me, please. Both are real, given any particular point in time. Can there even be said to be a me that wants anything, in any permanent or real sense? The Buddhists say “no,” and that ends that. But I’m not so sure . . .
Or let’s think about it this way. Can I do magic to get laid? Yes. Can I do magic to make myself more likely to want to get laid (i.e., increase my sex drive)? Yes. Can I do magic to make myself the kind of person who does magic in order to make myself more likely to want to get laid? Um, maybe. That last one requires that I at least think that getting laid is a good thing, in the abstract, even when at the moment I don’t want to get laid, and if I think that, then I’m already the kind of person who might wish to increase his sex drive. Just like, even when full of good food, and I see an ad for some foul abomination of cheese and oozing meat, there’s part of me that goes “yuck, that looks gross,” rather than “Yuck, food is disgusting. I quit eating.”
There’s a difference, then, between what you want in the moment, and what you want overall. Those desires can be in tension, or they can be in harmony. We see those desires in tension when we see people struggling with eating disorders, or people engaging in risky and anonymous sex while decrying sexual desire in public. When we talk of true will, what we’re saying is, how do you bring these things into harmony.
The thing is, I’m not the one to help you with that. That’s part of the great work, and you don’t learn it from a blog. But you can learn it from thinking about your desires and working with them magically.